The chapter on communication provided some ideas for improving communication. Are any of these ideas helpful to you? For the blog this week, make 1 post of 200 words or 2 of 100 words each. You can also comment or expand on another student's posting.
You can describe how you plan
to apply some of the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with your
children, boss, friends or parents or anyone who is important in your life.
You can also read the scenarios below and use your knowledge of personality type to suggest ways to improve
the communication. You can comment on one or more of the scenarios.
Scenario 1 (E and
I):
Mary and Carol are roommates
and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset
because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter
Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking
in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve
communication?
Scenario 2 (S and N):
A sensing type and an
intuitive type are on a first date. What is each likely to talk
about?
Scenario 3 (T and
F):
Rachel and Jim have been
married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you"
anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love
her. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 4 (J and
P):
Students in a business class
are assigned as a group project to design a business plan. This is an evening
class and has mostly adults who have busy schedules with work, family and
school. Mike is a highly motivated student who wants to get the group organized
and complete the project quickly. Mike is getting irritated at John because he
cannot decide on a topic and get going. John keeps coming up with different
creative ideas for the business plan. John is getting irritated at Mike because
he thinks that Mike is trying to control the group. How can this group work
together to complete a successful project?
Scenario 3 (T and F)
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
Rachel may have a personality type of a feeler. The expression has a large substance that is attached to it, and Jim, who has a personality type of a thinker may need to understand the weight that it holds for her. Instead of saying that he wouldn't have married her if he didn't love her does not substitute for the expression. Rachel may take situations a little to personally and think that the lack of expression is caused by a lack of love overall, but she must communicate with Jim in a way that is more concerning that offensive. As a thinker, Jim will strive to understand love which will continue to be helpful for the both of them in the end. The key for both characters is to communicate with each other while only expressing themselves in a non offensive way. Rachel can say that she loves it when Jim says I love you, and Jim can meet her halfway in order to make that happen while expressing that he does love her and that is a reason why he is still committed to their marriage. It is like the text suggests, communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
In Scenario 1, it is apparent based on Mary's reaction to Carol's paying the phone bill late that Mary is an extravert. Like we read in the text, she had no problem discussing the matter right now, and she would have been frustrated had she not been able to do so. She dominated the conversation, thinking that she could get through to Carol if she stated her point enough times. Meanwhile, Carol is an introvert, and does not operate the same way in which Mary operates. Carol has difficulty when facing conflict for which she is not prepared. She likes to be able to think before she speaks, so her silence is not understood by Mary; it only frustrates her. Because Carol feels badgered, she knows nothing else to do except to leave the room.
ReplyDeleteThis situation could be improved by Mary maybe calling Carol and letting her know that she saw that the phone bill was late, and could they please discuss it later. This would allow Carol some time to prepare for the conversation. Mary could also be careful to not dominate the conversation, and instead allow Carol to speak as well. She should also take care to not mistake Carol's quieter nature for indifference, just a personality difference.
Scenario 3 is interesting because it is a common complaint in many marriages. I have a good friend who complains that when she asks her husband if he loves her, his reply is always "I come home, don't I?" Jim is obviously a thinker, while Rachel is a feeler. Feelers like to experience emotions; in this scenario, Rachel doesn't just want to know that Jim wouldn't have married her if he didn't love her, but she wants to "feel" loved. The communication could be improved by the couple talking about how each of them views their relationship. I believe that in this way, Rachel will understand that her husband does not love her any less just because he does not say it all the time. At the same time, Jim could show that he understands Rachel's point of view by making an effort to demonstrate his love in ways she likes...by saying he loves her, getting her little gifts, and so on.
-Amy Allen
Scenario 2 (S and N):
ReplyDeleteA sensing type and an intuitive type are on a first date. What is each likely to talk about?
A sensing type is more likely to talk about places they have been to, people they have met and talked to, and experiences they have had. As for a intuitive person may talk about their dreams, what they believe, what visions they have, and their creative ideas. An intuitive person also tends to skip to one topic to another which can make a sensing type have difficulty understanding the conversation. I feel as though if each the sensing type and the intuitive type can understand one another and appreciate each other everything will turn out very good.
Scenario 3 (T and F):
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication? I think Rachel and Jim can improve their communication skills in many ways like by listening to each other, not talking over each other, not judging to soon, asking each other questions, and looking at the main points in their conversations will help. I also think that if Rachel and Jim keep going along the way they are that their marriage will end soon. I think that if they listen and understand each other then they will succeed in a longer marriage. A common problem in not communicating right are that people always talk over each other and only listen to bits and pieces that they want to hear or hear parts that don’t come out right.
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteBeing the aggressor and pasting words in someone's face loudly will no gain you any success nor will it gives you respect. In this situation Carol did not pay her phone bill on time but that does not justify Mary's right to yell at carol and be mad because carol doesn't want to reply. This leads to to win-lose concept. Carol is already at fault and Mary is just making it worst. She should compromise and talk it out rather than yelling at the obvious. Try to prevent it from happening again rather than scolding. they should have discussed the conversation later rather on the spot so Carol has the time to prepare her side of the story.
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
This is an common old married couple situation. Rather than talking over each other and coming to conclusions, they should sit down, ask questions, and pinpoint ideas that are worth talking about. They need to listen to each other more and understand how each other feels in order to keep a healthy relationship strong rather than accusing each other. Communication is unnecessary when it comes to feelings and it should not be lack when it comes to relationships. talk it out.
Scenario 3 (T and F):
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
As I read the scenario, I assumed that Rachel has an emotional personality. Jim really would have not married Rachel if he did not love her. Jim seems very logical and a type of person who hide his feelings inside. A lot of people do not show their love by what they say, they show love by how they act and treat the ones they love that is how Jim seems like. Rachel also has feelings towards him and he does too, or either he would have not had a relationship with her and got married. Sometimes communication is easier for couples in the earlier stages of marriage, and they find that they must be more intentional about communicating as time passes. They can improve communication also by trusting and depending on each other, because a relationship without trust is not worth it and can cause problems in the future. Marriage is not about saying kind words to each other but it is also needed because some people say those kind and loving words but inside their heart is a bunch of hate and fill with bitter feelings. Rachel still have to respect Jim and love him and everything will turn out in a good way it just needs some time for everything to get along.
You can describe how you plan to apply some of the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with your children, boss, friends or parents or anyone who is important in your life.
ReplyDeleteOne of the ideas that I took from the chapter that I find very important is to understand other people's personality types. I always take in to consideration the type of person someone is when communicating with them, but to really improve your communication you have to understand all of the little pieces of their personality. I have never thought about whether or not they are judgers, feelers, intuitive people, introverts, etc. The ability to refrain from using "you" statements is something I am going to improve. It is important to use "I" statements in certain situations so that the conversation does not take a turn for the worst. If I can perfect that skill, it will avoid defensive communication coming from them because they think I am blaming things on them. This is a good way to let people know how you feel, let them know what needs to get done, but do it in a way where they do not feel like they are being attacked or blamed. It seems so simple, but learning to talk less will be very valuable. I am a very talkative person, but I realize that talking to much can take away from the communication at hand. It is more important to be an equal contributor in a conversation. By becoming a better listener, I will in turn become a better communicator.
Emotion Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteIt is very important for any couple married to listen to the each other. In Jim and Rachel case they should make time for them to talk to each other and explain the problems between them also they could find common points to start their conversation. Form common points can they start conversation positively. Jim might love her so much but she cannot see his feeling because Jim may be not translating his feeling by saying 'I love you'. She could look for something more essential such as care about her and respect her. In sum they can make their married successful by understand each other and find some common points and give the space for partner to explain his feeling. Jim depends on his mind when he does something and Rachel depends on her Emotion so they can understand each other. Also both they should look for white heat instead of anything else that can make their married stay long.
My plan to apply some of the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with my children, boss, friends or parents or anyone who is important in my life; During my study of this chapter especially and studied counseling class generally; I learned that there are types of human figures and each one has a different deal with other people. In addition, I understand and appreciate your own behavioral style, and to show you how it fits in with those of others. However, it is important that you understand that I am not talking about "personality" parse. I won't, for example, It is very useful way to use "I" statements in certain situations because that will not convert to take a turn for the worst. Instead, I hope to show you your natural communication type and discuss how others perceive your words and your deeds. While each of us has a particular style that we tend to fall back upon, a person who can adapt their own style to the way in which others naturally want to communicate is seen as a great benefit to any organization. Moreover, It is a good idea to focus on blame only, using select problem solutions tools for select circumstances, consider a problem description and problem analysis the same thing, and focus on finding one cause for the problem only.
ReplyDeleteI plan to improve my communication and listening skills by minimizing distractions to that the person speaking has my full attention, so they don't feel like they have compete with my phone or the TV. I'll also try to engage the sender with feedback questions to make sure I understand. I'll try to articulate my message or expectations clearly, when communicating with others so that he or she doesn't receive only part of the message. I'll look for the main point in a conversation but I'll still be careful not to judge too soon. I'll do my best to try to understand first and then evaluate. Also I’ll try to avoid criticizing, diverting, and giving advice, since these are all barriers to communicate effectively. When criticizing, we often make negative evaluations of others by saying, “It's your fault” or “I told you so”. This is ineffective because it just causes anger, which gets in the way of communication. Name-calling and labeling are just as bad. If you call someone a name or put a label on him or her, they will attack you rather than communicate with you in any meaningful way. Giving advice sounds like the right thing to do but it may be viewed as talking down to a person. The person may resent your advice and you as well.
ReplyDeleteStudents in a business class are assigned as a group project to design a business plan. This is an evening class and has mostly adults who have busy schedules with work, family and school. Mike is a highly motivated student who wants to get the group organized and complete the project quickly. Mike is getting irritated at John because he cannot decide on a topic and get going. John keeps coming up with different creative ideas for the business plan. John is getting irritated at Mike because he thinks that Mike is trying to control the group. How can this group work together to complete a successful project?
ReplyDeleteThe only way this group can work together is they should both or the group understand each other and agree on one thing if they can’t they should focus on the ultimate goal and divide that goal into steps and work together ; if they can’t work together the assignment will be half finished. I consider an option for everyone in the group to either vote on one topic, because it’s not about one person wants to control the group, a group project is based on how well a group can work together rather than how good the project is because there is always one or two people that would be uninterested in working on the project and people in a group should work together to find a solution to the problem. There is also an effective way to work in a group and I used this technique every time I work in the group, once you are in a group listen to every ones idea there is always couple of people don’t like the ideas but ones you have listened to the groups idea you could change couple things in the ideas presented so everyone is satisfied with plan.
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteInstead of Jim just saying the words “I love you,” he could communicate it through his actions. Since Rachel is bringing this topic up (feeling type), she is communicating to Jim that she feels “unloved.” In addition, she is opening herself to him and being honest to her partner. So, Jim (thinking type) needs to step up his game by showing and telling his wife why he married her in the first place. Jim could improve communication by being more playful and humorous. Moreover, Jim could improve on his communication if he planned out a day of the week for the two of them to enjoy themselves on a romantic date.
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
Mary is an extrovert living with an introvert (Carol). Mary starts raising her voice to Carol who needs to think about what she is going to say and does not do well under pressure in a conversation. Moreover, Carol is at fault for paying the bill late because it might affect her paying other bills she shares with Mary. Although, Mary raises her voice, continuing to talk not letting Carol get a word in. This is a Win-Lose conflict, where only one is a winner and one is a loser (Carol). Carol leaves the conversation by walking out of the room.
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteIt appears that Rachel is a feeler type, for she is very emotional about certain situations/topics. Jim is more towards the thinker type of their relationship. Jim states that he would not have married her if he didnt lover her; i believe that he should have taken this part of his communication with her differently. Instead of saying that, he should really express why he is in love with her by doing little things such as complementing her daily. he doesnt necessarily have to say "i love you" to express his love. I am more like Jim for i am the type that rearely says "i love you," to show my feeling towards someone. Other sorts of communication to show their love is trust and devotion to the relationship. If both of them truly love eachother, they will do what they can to make it work, they should communicate with each other and talk about the things that are tearing the relationship apart. Communication and trust is key to a healthy relationship, Rachel needs to look at the things Jim does for her such as loving and respecting her; this could be a way of himself to her.
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteI think that Jim should have communicated with Rachel better. Rachel, I feel communicated very well by simply, not getting mad at Jim but simply, explaining how her feelings are hurt. (feeler type) Being a girl, girls need the "i love yous" more than guys do. She needs to explain to Jim that she knows that if he didn't love her that he wouldn't have gotten married, but just because they got married she doesn't want him to stop showing it. Jim could have been more understanding with the situation & asked questions. Or could have showed his love in a different way, by doing little things for her that he knows she likes & would appreciate. Rachael doesn't need an "i love you" all the time but wants to always feel loved. They need to be able to communicate in a better uuderstanding to make this relationship work. Each person needs to try to understand the others feelings.
There are a few ways in which communication can be improved. First Carlos could begin the conversation by apologizing for being late on the payment and saying that he would make sure to cover the extra money that will be tacked on to the bill as a late fee. The way that Mary should begin the conversation should begin calmly and with an “I” statement and avoid all “you” statements because this can definitely start hostilities. The next step the two room mates should take would be to talk over any problems that the two people have with each other, in a calm civilized manner. During the conversation Mary should make sure to take deep breaths and try to avoid getting loud or start speaking faster which is a trait that she exhibits due to the fact that she is an extravert, she also need to allow Carlos time for assembling his thoughts and responding. When Carlos is listening to Mary talk he needs to avoid being completely silent which introverts tend to do, he needs to be vocal and express himself so that she does not think he is ignoring her. When Carlos is speaking he needs to confront the situation and realize that it is his fault that this problem is occurring due to his lack of planning. Once these two people can learn to communicate in a way in which the other person can understand not only will this problem be resolved but many other problems will be avoided.
ReplyDeleteMary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary s upset because carol paid the phone bill late. The more that mary talks , the quieter carol becomes. This causes mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication.
ReplyDeleteSharing a apartment is never easy if a person doesn't keep track on sharing the bills. Being upset and raising your voice at the person who forgot to pay the bill can never have a positive outcome. Mary can discuss why she is upset at carol in a calm voice instead of a loud voice. If it was an honest mistake that carol forgot she can tell mary what happen. When carol tells mary why the bill is paid late, mary should just listen until carol is done. If a person tends to talk over another person it can cause the communication to be worse. Mary is the aggressor and tends to make her voice heard in stead of listening. Instead of yelling she should forgive carol and talk about ways on how to remember to pay the phone bill next time it is due.
I plan on improving my communication at work and school by asking more questions. i know at times in the classroom people tend to be shy when asking a question. If i don't understand a certain topic i will ask more questions that way i can improve my study skills and not miss important stuff. Also, at work when i don't know how to do a certain task i ask my boss on how this works and what i need to know about the product. I feel that the more a person communicates the more likely they will get the material and be bale to practice from it. I also plan on being less distracted when i am speaking to someone. If am having a conversation i minimize being on my phone and instead pay attention to the person am talking to.
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteI understand Jim's plight, as i am in a similar marriage personality wise. I am a thinker and my wife is a feeler. So i understand how frustrating it can be to deal with emotional, illogical people on an everyday basis. However, there isnt a day that goes by that i dont tell my wife i love her numerous times. I doubt Rachel became this type of person overnight so Jim knew what he was getting into when he decided to enter into marriage and should have been better prepared and more willing to meet her emotional needs. Jim's reasoning that he wouldnt have married her if he didnt love her is flawed. In today's world, married people fall out of love quite often, hence the high divorce rate. Feelers need that constant reassurance that the emotional bond they have forged is still strong. Rachel could serve her own needs better by opening the lines of communication and having real conversations instead of complaining. Dont tell Jim what he does wrong, tell him how it makes her feel. Use those "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Jim may not understand why it is such a big deal for Rachel so she needs to take the time to explain it to him so that he understands the situation fully. Jim can cooperate by using good listening techniques understand her point of view. Cooperating and comprising and very important in marriage.
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteI think this is definitely a popular scenario. The thinker always assumes that the feeler knows about untold feelings. Rachel sometimes needs to hear it to believe it. As a thinker, Jim assumes that it goes untold and wants her to believe it without him having to say it. I would say the best way to solve this problem is for Jim to knuckle under and say "I love you" occasionally. Even as a thinker myself, I understand the need to hear it once in awhile. If your partner never says it, you kind of feel like a loser. Appreciation for the other must be consistently shown in a relationship, otherwise it will die.
I always had trouble conveying emotions to people when I have a problem with something. I've been looking a long time for a way to communicate without sounding like I was just placing blame. I've tried numerous things and I always thought it was the way I emphasised words or what emotions came out in my voice. Now I know that it's the use of the word "you", so it all makes sense now. I've been trying the "I" thing, and have been getting much more positive feedback. I will be using the "I" technique a lot more now and hopefully it will solve a lot more problems.
Scenario 3:
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
In order for Jim and Rachel to improve their communication skills, Jim needs to be a little bit more open towards Rachel. Although Jim seems to be more private about how he feels, he should defenetly be more about talking about his love towards Rachel, after all they are married. As for Rachel, it seems that she is more of a feeler type of person so maybe she shouldn't get really upset on the fact that Jim doesn't express his love for her, to her. I also think that she should also understand that Jim is not really much of an affectionate type of person, and she should take this opportunity to teach him how to be an affectionate type of person. They both should have a conversation about the little things Rachel would like to see Jim be more affectionate and how she wants him to be more affectionate and also talk about maybe the reasons why Jim isn't a very affectionate type of person.
Scenario 4:
ReplyDeleteThis is the type of situation where compromises have to be made in order for a successful outcome. Mike appears to have a well thought out idea/strategy for the completion of the project, but appears to be very impatient. John’s frequent ideas and desire to be creative are just as important as being organized. I’m the kind of person who likes to get things done as soon as possible, yet likes to be creative and unique at the same time. Of course being creative is going to take more time (for me at least), and no matter how organized and prepared I am, I know that many ideas will come and go until I feel completely confident that my final choice is “A” material. With that being said, I think Mike needs to acknowledge the fact that coming up with an assortment of ideas and wanting to be as creative as possible is much more beneficial than getting straight to the point and finishing the project quickly. As previously mentioned, it appears that Mike is struggling with impatience and wants to rush through things. This is never the way to go when it comes to group projects due to the fact that others within the group may want to take their time and make sure it’s done right. Mike and John need to come up with a strategy that will favor both of their ideas/strategies. Perhaps Mike can do time management for the project, while John is in charge of brainstorming and coming up with ideas until they each agree on one.
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteI am taking a an Approachable Argument class at Grossmont right now and Mary commits a very common mistake of not letting Mary have a chance at explaining her side, It didn't sound Like Mary could really say anything. Mary may have had some other things going on in her life that Carol may not have known about, maybe a car ticket, death in the family, or an instance where she needed to use her money. Yes Mary did pay the bill late this time, but she still paid it. Carol can still express her discontent with Mary paying the bill late. But she still needs to give Mary the opportunity to speak about the issue without having it blow up and having Mary leave the situation which has already made everything worse, the next time they speak to each other they need to both be very calm and put their differences on the table and work things out!