Over the years of my working with students, one of the lifetime goals most mentioned is "happiness." I worry about happiness goals because I'm not sure if we know what happiness is or when we have accomplished this goal. I just read a book on the topic, Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman. He is a psychologist who actually teaches college courses on this topic. The following are some excerpts from his text. Please read these excerpts, think about them and add your comments.
Excerpts from Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman:
Real happiness comes from identifying, cultivating and using your personal strengths in work, love, play and parenting. Seligman contrasts happiness with hedonism. He says that a hedonist "wants as many good moments and as few bad moments as possible in life." He states that hedonism is a shortcut to happiness that leaves us feeling empty. For example, we often assume that more material possessions will make us happy. However, the more material possessions we have, the greater the expectations and we no longer appreciate what we have.
Seligman suggests some ideas to increase happiness. 1. Realize that the past does not determine your future. The future is open to possibilities. 2. Be grateful for the good events of the past and place less emphasis on the bad events. 3. Build positive emotions through forgiving and forgetting. 4. Work on increasing optimism and hope for the future. 5. Find out what activities make you happy and engage in them. Spread these activities out over time so that you will not get tired of them. 6. Take the time to savor the happy times. 7. Take time to enjoy the present moment. 8. Build more flow into your life. Flow is the state of gratification we feel when totally absorbed in an activity that matches our strengths.
Write your comments on these ideas. What does happiness mean to you?
Share some of your intention statements for the future. You can make two posts of 100 words each or one post of 200 words.
Your blogs have been inspiring and awesome. Best wishes for the future!
The future holds anything and everything that's exciting. Our lives are like one big epic adventure, and we have to rise, fall, and power through a lot of it. Bad things will happen that can not be avoided, but the real victors of life can find something happy or funny even when something life-changing occurs. Many people constantly focus on their mistakes and worry about how things will play out so much that they never take action to prevent the bad. Life is too short to worry that much. I am a firm believer that there are many ways to look at each and every situation. Even in puzzle games, you think it's going to be impossible but if you look at it long enough, you will figure out a solution. Later you will find out there was a second solution, and in extremely rare occasions, a third. This idea can be applied to everything, and this idea is, I believe, what will make me a great scientist. I will get through the grueling work and learning process, then I will have enough understanding of the world that I can solve world problems. I want to find a renewable power source we haven't considered. There are infinite possibilities with science. I've seen an understanding of science to some amazing things that look like magic, but really it's just manipulating basic laws most the time in a way we haven't considered. Solving difficult problems makes me feel very happy and accomplished, so now it's a life goal of mine to solve the most difficult ones. If I can solve something as impactful as I hope to strive for, and I know I can, I will be the happiest man alive.
ReplyDeleteThe first two comments about the past not determining one's future and placing less emphasis on the bad events is a big one. We may have made very poor decisions or maybe we used to not be that great of a person, etc., but instead of wallowing in the sorrow of that, we can use it as a learning opportunity. For example, if a person used to be addicted to nicotine, alcohol, drugs, etc., instead of lamenting the years wasted on that, they could take that experience and use it to help others who are currently going through the same thing. It would make the person feel good about himself/herself as well since they are using something that was very negative to make something positive out of it.
ReplyDeleteThe comment about taking time to enjoy the present moment really hits home for me as well. I am the mother of four. My children are 9, 7, 5, and 7 and a half months old. Being that my baby is very likely my last, I am especially being careful to enjoy every last moment. My baby is not yet sleeping through the night. While I would like him to learn to sleep a bit better, I am not too worried about it. He's not yet crawling, and I'm not in a hurry for him to do so. I am just enjoying him being my baby. In a year or so, he'll be running around like a madman and I'll be lucky to get a hug. Before I know it, my kids will be all grown up, so I on purpose enjoy them and let them be kids.
I concur with the initial assertion that real happiness comes from identifying, cultivating and using your personal strengths in work, love, play and parenting and that many people are fooled into thinking that happiness comes from possessions. Everyone knows that money doesnt buy happiness, but what you do with the money can bring you happiness. For instance, you can take a family vacation and use the money to make memories that will last forever. But it isnt just about taking the trip, it is about enjoying every moment of the trip that you get to spend with your loved ones. I guess what i am saying is money can be used to build a backdrop to happiness. while it is not required, it certainly helps. it is definitely harder to be happy when you are poor and barely making ends meet and eating macaroni in a box and hot dogs for dinner ever night, which i have done.
ReplyDeletei have also found that being optimistic and maintaining a positive outlook, even in hard times, is essential to being a happy person. i dont understand how people can live with these pessimistic, defeatist attitudes. if you go into a situation expecting to fail, chances are you are going to fail. i think this goes hand in hand with placing the emphasis on the good and not dwelling on the bad. i think people dont realize how much their own outlook affects how they perceive every situation. when you look for the negative aspects to everything, eventually you will find them. for me, it really comes down to just staying positive and doing the things you enjoy.
3. Build positive emotions through forgiving and forgetting.
ReplyDelete4. Work on increasing optimism and hope for the future.
Giving yourself the ability to build positive emotions through forgiving someone can allow you to become more optimistic about many different situations. When a person holds in the hatred and grief, they end up holding a burden that takes a larger toll upon their own selves. It is through forgiving that a person starts to build hope for their future and allowing themselves to move on with their lives. For example, when applying this situation to school, a student may hold a grudge upon their group members for not completely following each and every aspect of the presentation. This incident can result in the entire group receiving a B instead of an A. That student may feel disappointed and feel hatred toward the other group members. The ideal way to move on from the assignment is to forgive and think positively. Positive thoughts will only help a person learn from their mistakes and progress in their own work. Doing not only help a person move forward, but it also helps them to become understanding and positive when put into situations similar to this predicament.
In this life, we will all face the good and the bad. I really want to focus on the positive things and not worry , I mean life gives us so many opportunities to enjoy every happy moment in life, so why waste time on the negative things that we face. Some people will only look at our mistakes and forget all the good things we did to them. Life is hard but we have to live and face anything that passes through in our journey. I believe that we should forgive whoever came in our lives and made it a bad look in our eyes, because on day we will be all gone. People will come into our lives as lessons so that we learn from them the good and the bad. People will come into our lives as blessing from God just to show us that we are worth it and we can make it no matter what happens in life. We don’t know what the future holds, but we should wish for the best and whoever is meant to be in our lives , will make a way to stay and help us go through and whoever is not meant to be in our lives, will leave one day or another. Happiness is all we need to stay hopeful.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that today i find myself working overtime and focusing on school instead of finding time for myself. While having a job and going to school is a accomplishment for myself, there are other important things in life. Some people including myself don't find a time to really do the things they want. I find that hanging around with my family and friends keeps me happy. I surround myself with people that have no drama and are outgoing . At times when i know i can be going hiking or other activities, i find myself working overtime and sometimes coming home stressed. Its a must for people to think about the future and its the true the past shouldn't effect the future. Its the little things are really important and to laugh as well. Laughing is something that i love to do and hear. When a person is laughing you know they are having a good time. It is true that today we live in a world were people judge and no to many people enjoy themselves its a must for people to step back and enjoy life do the things they love.
ReplyDeleteWhat is happiness? This is the question and most people try to seek for answers. The world itself is in the dictionary however we all define it differently based on our preferences. My goal is to live stress free although I have a lot of responsibilities. I want my kids to grow up and be successful and live the life I always dream of. I'm currently struggling with financial issues and relationship. I'm willing to sacrifice my time and effort to allow my kids to live a healthy life. That's happiness for me. Seeing them smiles is something I will never trade for in the whole wide world. I must overcome harsh obstacles, good or bad. I put my kids lives up before mine and they are my definition of happiness. If possible, I would like to stop working and spend all my time hanging out and watching my children grow and experience life. People will judge my views of happiness however it reflects on what you seek for.
ReplyDeleteHappiness is like love. You can't see it or feel it, but sometimes you just know it's there. Happiness of one of those things that people try to pursuit their whole life. Some people try to buy things to make them happy, and others try to find happiness in what they have. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy. They should wake up each morning and find joy in something. I think sometimes people spend so much time looking for something to be happy about that they forget to look at the things right in front of them. People often like to pity themselves and look at all the negative things in life because it is easier than trying to make the negatives positives. I think if people didn’t always feel so bad for themselves, the world would be a better place. If people just learned to change their outlook on life and started enjoying the little things that life can bring then I think their wouldn’t be so much hate and people would be happier all the
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Happiness isnt defined to be about what you have or how much you have. It should be about taking what you have and using it in ways to make yourself happy and the ones around you happy. Having happiness all the time would be great but it doesnt always work ou that way. You must be able to take that extra leap in order to spread happiness. I wish that everyone can be happy, living a stress/problem free world. I also believe that to be happy you must sorround yourself with others who are optimistic. Being around those whose energy is extremely low really sets the mood on others, if you arent happy in those certain moments, think of things or surround yourself with others to cheer you up. Go for hikes, the gym, do activities that make you happy rather than sitting on your couch, though some of us do that just becasuse we need that every once in a while; sitting and relaxing not worrying about anything. When people are negative and think bad about themselves because they feel as if they dont have potential to do things that will make them happy, "don't tell yourself to do it, just do it." Look at the brighter things in life and enjoy it like it's your last.
ReplyDeleteHappiness for me is a combination of a wide variety of things. I think that part of it is accomplished through the relationships that we form, and the experiences that we cultivate. Having deep relationships with others, people who we can share laughs, and love, and memories with really gives life meaning. Life is also about experiencing things. It is from traveling, concerts, camping trips, spontaneous adventures, nights out on the town, family vacations, spiritual journeys, and anything new, challenging, or exciting that gives you a sense of fulfillment. That does not mean that you have to see the Great Wall of China, or climb Mt. Everest, it just means that you refuse to stay complacent with what's around you, and push yourself to explore, and take in new things. John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans," and I think that he is partly explaining happiness. You have to let life be spontaneous, and crazy, invite the unexpected, and give in to the opportunities that sneak up out of the blue. I think happiness requires an open heart. Some people say that happiness is about finding a purpose, getting fulfillment, or having a ridiculous amount of money and owning everything you desire. Some think it means having a wonderful family, living comfortably, or maybe a long list of accomplishments, and awards. I personally think that they are all right. That is because that in the end, happiness is subjective. For me, I want to wake up when I am eighty years old and think to myself man, I had a great life. I did a lot of amazing things, I touched the lives of a lot of people around me, and that I had a great relationship with my parents, the rest of my family, and my beautiful wife and kids. I saw a lot of the world, I cultivated a lot of wisdom, I spent life creating a better version of myself each and every day, I learned so much, and I enjoyed doing it all. That is my happiness. That is all I could ever ask for.
ReplyDeleteWhat is Happiness? My opinion you will not be happy of how much things you have or how much money you have because the more you have the stuff the more you want, so what keeps me happy is what I do everyday things that I love to do. The best part family brings happiness to a person’s life because family keeps someone going because they are by your side encouraging you to do more and better. You have to have your family to live your life the fullest
ReplyDeleteI believe the real happiness comes from identifying, cultivating and using your personal strengths in work, love, play and parenting. I think the feeling of happiness is really hard to explain. I don't always realize that I'm happy. I'm just feeling very good. There is nothing special that I'm aiming for to be happy. But I noticed that I'm happier when I seize the day compared to sitting at home doing nothing. In my opinion the pursue of your happiness is important. This is one of the things you have to discover on your own. And when you know what you enjoy most you can strive for it. There are a lot of things which make me feeling good. For instance I love to go out, to work out / to get some exercise, to go shopping, to visit my friends and other small things. A delicious meal for example can make me happy too. When I'm with my friends we often laugh and laugh until tears are streaming down our cheeks. Sometimes we just relax and then I feel happy too. I can also be happy on my own. I always try to remember that not everything, which makes me feel very good, automatically brings happiness to another person too. Although I'd like to be successful I don't think that being rich is the only way to be happy. Having a lot of money doesn't make you happy, but it definitely makes some areas of your life easier to manage. Just imagine what it would be like when you don't have to worry about your monetary situation and other related issues anymore. In the end I don't think that there is a single word which describes exactly what happiness means to me. I associate so many words with this special feeling for example, my family and friends, freedom, youth, love and also having money.
ReplyDeleteHappiness can be described as a feeling of pleasure or enjoyment, some people think that whenever and wherever they would be involved with happiness if they feel happy. For plenty of people, families mainly contribute to their pleasure and satisfying lives. They enjoy spending times with family and friends, in the meantime getting more fun in return. Families considered as the root of their happiness can strengthen them and make them become happy persons. In addition, hobbies, sports and games can be serve as a source of fun and enjoyment, these offer people lots of exciting moments. Comparatively, some people see money as a source of happiness while other people define happiness as something deeper. It is clear that money is the important thing in our lives, but some people are totally addicted to money. Except money, no other things can make them happy. Maybe some of them can get the happiness they wanted , unfortunately most of these people are unhappy and died alone. By contrast, some people define happiness as giving and they come alive by helping other people. They need to feel that they are doing something useful with their lives and other people, concentrating on giving and helping can afford them this feeling and also help themselves achieve happiness. Moreover, some people get a sense of achievement from their work, and others find happiness in bringing up their children. I am sure that the people who hold their happiness are fortunate, no matter what kind of the happiness is.
ReplyDeleteThe idea about incorporating flow into your life is one that I used to know well. Within the time that I have had to realize that I have lost these activities in my life, I have been able to really understand the importance it holds in helping me to be a happier person. In my high school years (and even prior) I was always dancing. I’d be at dance practice at least 3 days out of the week for hours at a time. If I wasn’t practicing for a big competition, I was practice for a performance. I loved dancing. Within this period of my life I found out that my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Dancing was an excellent release for me. Not only was it keeping my healthy and fit, but it was also a way to focus on something other than my mom’s pain. Looking back, I am so blessed to have that outlet (and be talented enough) in my life. However, after my mom passed away, I started to lose my taste for this outlet. It may have even been intentional as there were so many people associated with my mom that it actually made it difficult to be around my old outlet. For the past few years, I think I have been unintentionally trying to find a new flow, because without dance I find it more difficult to be happy and to top it off, I am gaining unwanted weight! I am thankful that I understand the reality of what I am missing without flow in my life. Time to get it back somehow!
ReplyDeleteI think that happiness to me is having a stable life. I really want a job where I make enough money to support my family but not one that will eat up all my time. I really want to be able to spend time with my family. So, if a job over works me and I don’t get enough time for my loved ones it’s not the right job for me. I am willing to do anything for my loved ones and the fact that I feel that in return brings me happiness I love the idea of people being there for me. I think happiness is not about what you have but who you have and how they feel about you. Happiness is about making light of any stressful situation and about knowing at the end of the day that everything will be alright. I really love to live in the moment so that I don’t feel like I wasted any of my time on this planet. As long as I have my loved ones by my side I feel like anything is possible. I love to do thing that are free that makes me happy because I feel like happiness should be free. But there are things that I love to do that can be pricy like taking my girlfriend out, snowboarding or lacrosse. In the end I feel life is good though.
ReplyDeleteHappiness to me is to be able to stay with an open mind, go out and be adventurous as well as have stability. I want to make sure that I am able to experience everything that I can in life and make the most out of life in itself. I want to be able to leave journal entries stating how exciting my life was and what I did to improve every minute to be happier than the last. What I need to do it becomes even more motivated to complete everything that I could and to stay within life guidelines as well. I know that at the end of the day, if I always have my goals set in the back of my head I will be able to achieve them and strive for the life I could live. Happiness is making sure no stressful situations take the best of you. You always want to stay in a positive light and keep the positive attitudes going. Once the positive train leaves the station and the negative one comes in; you have to make sure you take control and bring the happy train back. You never want the stress to get ahold of you whole mindset.
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